Tick Tock

As you may have noticed by the posting of a song link on almost all blog entries (besides the posts of old stuff!), I love music. I have played piano since I was 7 years old and have always had a love of music. I find myself able to express myself through the words of a song so easily. From the time I was really small I knew I wanted to be a mom. There has never been a doubt in my mind about whether I was going to be a mom or not. I just was and that was all there was to it. My want to be a mom is almost like a need to be a mom. Every fiber in my body wants a little one to take care of. I baby our dog like crazy. How many full grown Boxers do you know that have a heater, a quilt, toys galore, a security blanket for when it storms, has three water bowls, two food bowls, and knows he can get anything with just a small little squeak that makes him sound like he's still a puppy. And that's just the dog people. Our cat is slightly more spoiled. I just love taking care of my little family in any way that I can. With everything that happened with RJ, we both want to be sure we have degrees and good insurance before we try again. Which means finishing school. This won't be till next December for me, and May 2015 for him. This KILLS me. I do not want to wait that long to have a squishy little baby in my arms but I know it is for the best. I just hear a constant "tick tock" going on in the back of my head. Losing my children has me so turned around and confused on who I want to be, other than knowing I want my children to be proud of me, and who I am. I find my likes and dislikes changing all the time. People try to compare losing a child to so many things and you simply can't. There is nothing else in the world like it. I've heard all kinds of things from "oh my best friend died", "oh my dog died", "oh my mom died", or "oh my best friend's cousin died" These are simply not the same! It doesn't make them any less valid. The loss is real to them and that may be the most profound loss they have ever felt but that doesn't mean that it is the same as losing a child. I've been told that a parent who has a child that doesn't talk to them is the same. UM NO! I don't think so. That child doesn't talk to you for a reason. Either make things right or stop comparing them to real child loss. My children don't talk to me because THEY CAN'T. Because they are dead. So don't ever compare it. Ever. I can't wait for another chance to try again to bring a healthy child into our arms.

Here is the latest song I would like to post... I really like it and listen to it a lot. It has a few rude words in it so if you have kids in the room that pick up on things quickly and easily I'd wait till they were out of the room.

Fun ~ Some Nights