If You Just Looked At Me

This was written almost two weeks after our sweet boy left us.

If you just looked at me
could you tell I've had to bury my babies?
If you just looked at me
Would you know the circles and bags under my eyes were from lack of sleep and crying?
If you just looked at me
Would you know my husband is the strongest man in the world who just misses his son?
If you just looked at me
Would you know the skin on my lower belly is shattered by stretch marks just like my shattered heart?
If you just looked at me
Would you know that I find myself ugly without my son in my arms?
If you just looked at me
Would you know what all I've been through?
If you just looked at me
Would you ever guess I've been pregnant three times and STILL I don't have a baby in my arms?
If you just looked at me
Would you ever guess I gave birth a little over two weeks ago?
If you just looked at me
Could you see how much I hurt?
If you just looked at me
Would you know that I have to pray every second of every day just to keep going?
If you just looked at me
Could you tell I just want to disappear from the world?
If you just looked at me
Could you tell I can't take anything else?
If you just looked at me
Would you consider any of these things or be quick to judge my thrown together appearance because I truly don't care what I look like?