Moments of Shame

This was two weeks after losing RJ.

As a whole, I strive to be a peaceful person. I'm more of one of those... keep the peace kind of people. So you can very easily say it catches me off guard when I feel the need to lash out at a person. I don't normally act on the thought but it can be very tempting at times. So earlier today when I saw a particular female whom I know to be pregnant it surprised me that I felt the need to go up to them and slap them across the face. Said female has rendered herself useless because she's pregnant and had prided herself with "only smoking a few cigarettes" a day. Oh and she has cut back on drinking as well. Notice I said "cut back". I pray for this child already. I immediately felt sorry for her for lashing out at her in my mind and decided that instead I will do something nice for the girl. So I dug out one of my pregnancy books. This female has not been to the doctor yet and does not see the hurry. She hasn't been taking prenatal vitamins and has a complete "who cares" attitude about her pregnancy. I chose the book that was given to me at the doctor's office that saw me during my pregnancy with Phoebe. This way if she rejects it, or does not use it, it will not hurt me in the least. Hopefully the girl will come to her senses and see that she now has to put the child first. I pray God forgives me for wanting to lash out at the girl and hopefully will continue to give me "moments of shame" to keep me on track. Please, for those of you who pray, keep this girl, and her unborn baby, in your prayers. The child is totally innocent.